{ fragile as we are }

i never had someone who stayed in love with me for this long, and what’s more amazing is that because you jumped into my life right after i got out of a year-long relationship that wrecked my entire self to bits, you had to tolerate me crying over another boy, you had to tolerate me not being able to trust you, or even love you completely, you had to tolerate me being cold and distant, and you had to tolerate my emotions that were, back then, rocketing all over the goddamn place.

but it didn’t faze you a bit. you stayed. when i was upset and crying, you would hold me until i calmed down, and you didn’t even mind when i got snot all over your shirt. when i was angry and raging, you patiently listened to me until i calmed down. when i was confused and panicky, you stayed by my side until i calmed down.

no matter the situation, you stuck, and you didn’t budge. even when i asked you to leave. even when i yelled at you, even when i lashed out at you, even when i intentionally hurt you or pushed you away. you just stayed, telling me the same thing over and over again: “it’s alright. take your time. remember that i love you, and i will not give up so easily. for you, everything is worth it.”

i never had the intention to love someone again. i was so afraid. i’m the person people always think that they want, until they opened me up. then they realize that they don’t. but i looked at you, and i saw that you were every bit as afraid as me, but you still had the courage to try and you fought so long and hard.

i wasn’t afraid anymore, i still am not, and i can’t be, not with you. samuel, i am sorry. i am not fucking around now. i have a lot of making up to do. meanwhile, just know this: that i love you, and i will love you for the rest of our lives together, and should there be a life after death, i will love you there too.